Going back

I've wanted to explain something for the past several weeks.  Have you noticed the red handprint in the background of my blog?  That is the hand of our sweet Seth.  Seeing how little his hand was - it's hard to remember how little he really was.  I wonder how big his hand would be now. 

 

The hospital staff  were unbelievable after Seth's accident.  Compassionate, empathetic, caring, allowed us to grieve any way we felt we needed to.  One of the special things that they had done was to get a handprint of Seth's hand.  I didn't know at that time how precious this gesture actually was.  It's one of the things I treasure deeply.  Being able to see his little hand whenever I need to?  Such a gift!

 

I've come to the time in my writing that I'm about to tackle the day of the accident and the following days.  To say I'm apprehensive doesn't even come close.  Putting myself back in those initial moments and days is terrifying to me.  I know that I am suppose to do this.  God has made that abundantly clear that now is the time to do this.  It's just that I don't want to go back to the pain...the gut wrenching pain...the wailing...the witnessing our other kids going through that pain. 

 

But there were also so many gifts and I am looking forward to remembering those.  I'm looking forward to remembering what God did for us in those early hours and days.  Please pray for me as I take on this task in the next several weeks.  I desperately want Him to be glorified in it.  Please pray that I receive the words He wants me to write.  Please pray that when I look at that little hand, remember some difficult memories, and write these next few chapters that I see Him and what He has done for me and be able to express my gratitude to Him and for all He has done in these last 9 years.