Going back

I've wanted to explain something for the past several weeks.  Have you noticed the red handprint in the background of my blog?  That is the hand of our sweet Seth.  Seeing how little his hand was - it's hard to remember how little he really was.  I wonder how big his hand would be now. 

 

The hospital staff  were unbelievable after Seth's accident.  Compassionate, empathetic, caring, allowed us to grieve any way we felt we needed to.  One of the special things that they had done was to get a handprint of Seth's hand.  I didn't know at that time how precious this gesture actually was.  It's one of the things I treasure deeply.  Being able to see his little hand whenever I need to?  Such a gift!

 

I've come to the time in my writing that I'm about to tackle the day of the accident and the following days.  To say I'm apprehensive doesn't even come close.  Putting myself back in those initial moments and days is terrifying to me.  I know that I am suppose to do this.  God has made that abundantly clear that now is the time to do this.  It's just that I don't want to go back to the pain...the gut wrenching pain...the wailing...the witnessing our other kids going through that pain. 

 

But there were also so many gifts and I am looking forward to remembering those.  I'm looking forward to remembering what God did for us in those early hours and days.  Please pray for me as I take on this task in the next several weeks.  I desperately want Him to be glorified in it.  Please pray that I receive the words He wants me to write.  Please pray that when I look at that little hand, remember some difficult memories, and write these next few chapters that I see Him and what He has done for me and be able to express my gratitude to Him and for all He has done in these last 9 years. 

Let salt be salt

This past Sunday our pastor had a wonderful sermon on Matthew 5: 13.  The passage says:  "Let me tell you why you are here.  You're here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth.  If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness?  You've lost your usefulness and will end up in the garbage"  (taken from The Message). 

 

In the children's sermon he explained two main purposes of salt - #1.  it makes things taste delicious and  #2.  it makes stuff from going bad.  Sounds easy.  Sounds simple...but when asked to implement it, well....that's another story.  One of the main points he made during the sermon was JUST BE SALT...be who God calls you to be, for this time in your life, for His glory.

 

To be completely honest, I have been thinking a lot of what God's purpose for my life is - for this season.  Should I be at home?  Should I get a job?  What do people think of me if I "just stay at home"?  Am I being lazy?  Is resting in God's presence "enough" of a job?  These are the questions that roll around in my mind.  Society says that I should be busy - doing "busy work"....but one thing I AM sure about is that, for this time of my life, God has called me to rest in Him.  Let Him love on me.  Let me work on my relationship with Him (and of course ALL the other things we stay at home moms do when we are taking care of family! :) ).  I guess you could say that my "salt job" is allowing His grace to flow over me and through me so that in turn I can glorify Him.  That's what I pray the book I'm working on will do - bring glory to Him.

 

Be encouraged in whatever "salt job" you are in right now.  Be who He wants you to be and rest in the knowledge of His perfect acceptance of you.  When you do this, according to Pastor Len, you will be blessed, the world is best served, and God IS glorified.

By Faith...Go...Obey

2017... a new year...new beginnings... new callings.  For the past 2 years, I've been enjoying sweet time with God.  He was very clear with His command to "come away and and rest with Me".  So, I've been spending time with Him in ways I never experienced before.  Already this year, His command to me has changed.  He has been telling me "by faith...GO...OBEY".  I see this as my marching orders.  The last 2 years He has been getting my heart ready to share my story.  This year He is wanting me to start writing.  Now, that may sound like a worthy calling, but it's one that scares me.  What if no one wants to read what I write?  What if I'm a horrible writer?  What if I never publish anything?  What will people think of me after they read it?  Then I heard someone say, "it's not about getting published, it's not about what people think, it's about the PROCESS of writing that God wants to teach me things". 

 

So, my goal for this new year is to begin writing my story.  It is going to be 10 years this November since Seth's death.  This is going to be my way of honoring that special anniversary.  This year I'm going to go back.  Back to 2007 to the pain...to the memories...to God's faithfulness...to His fingerprints on my faith.  I'm not kidding myself, it's going to be difficult at times I'm sure; but I am excited to see how He's going to make His presence known to me in new ways.

 

What He does with my story is His prerogative.....I will just, by faith...Go....and Obey.